It's all rhetorical. and I'm praying w/faith for my BreakThrough!

*Disclaimer-Please don't worry sick. I'm not suicidal. Just really really tired. :0(

I hate being too open and through this past year and half, I've gone through alot and back and it was so out of the norm for me. It's like everything that could go wrong went wrong: academically, spiritually, financially, physically. You name it, I've probably had an experience like it in the past 15 months. And I'm tired. And yes, I know that there's a testimony in it all but I hate testifying about my personal struggles that I don't want people to know. I hated the fact that I knew the Lord was trying to get me to share my testimony as my "talent" for the Miss Oakwood pageant last month. I really didn't want to do anything and then when they asked me, I knew it was straight up God taking me out of my comfort zone yet again. I hate that. Not that God decides to use me, but the way he chooses to use me is quite cumbersome at times. LOL. GEez. It really does take your EVERYTHING to serve the Lord. People told me I seemed comfortable up on stage and it's weird because I actually was but every night up until the actual day of the pageant, my stomach was in knots and I was so ready to throw up air. I just don't get it. I know God isn't trying to kill me but sometimes, but man, he's close. Why does it take this much for a blessing? When things are good, I don't take it for granted. I really don't. I And when I have a good day, I often think to myself "enjoy this day because it's going to end and who knows when the next good day might come?" I just don't feel like those thoughts should be the thoughts of a Christian. Some may say it is and that's a part of the walk, but I just don't think it's right. And I'm not really asking for encouraging words or advice on how the sun will come out tomorrow. I'm just putting it out there in the universe hoping that it will take some pressure off of me. I'm not complaining either. I'm VENTING. There's a difference. Just not quite sure what it is at the moment ;)

Anyhow, life is no cakewalk but I KNOW the Lord will give me some chill time really soon. I thought the trials were over but I was wrong. There's more but it won't be too much longer. I just have to really hold on really tight. I have faith that in a month or two, I'll be singing a completely different tune! I just know it!

So tomorrow is another day and I'd like to leave you with an email a good friend of mine sent me today. It's called "The Holy Alphabet" and it's so appropriate.

Ignore the spelling error for 'X'. It's supposed to be like that, but it bothered me! ;)

A lthough things are not perfect
B ecause of trial or pain
C ontinue in thanksgiving
D o not begin to blame
E ven when the times are hard
F ierce winds are bound to blow
G od is forever able
H old on to what you know
I magine life without His love
J oy would cease to be !
K eep thanking Him for all the t hin gs
L ove imparts to thee
M ove out of "Camp Complaining"
N o weapon that is known
O n earth can yield the power
P raise can do alone
Q uit looking at the future
R edeem the time at hand
S tart every day with worship
T o "thank" is a command
U ntil we see Him coming
V ictorious in the sky
W e'll run the race with gratitude
X alting God most high
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.
Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.

When you read this, send up a prayer for me. PLEASE.
Much love,
Dani